At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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