i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
