i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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