you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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