i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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