I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
