Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
