The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The ass gains better be worth it
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