im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
