Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
