Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
