I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
