She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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