There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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