WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
