My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
