He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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