No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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