At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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