I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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