I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
