Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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