I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
