Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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