Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.