Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just had sex on a roof
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"