onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
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Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.