...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
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Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?