OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.