and you said cock pushups were impossible
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
