Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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