Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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