Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
