i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
