Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
