Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
40s are totally the cure
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
