cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sorry my hands just texted you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
