I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
