she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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