OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
