So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
