be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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