I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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