would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
