Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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