my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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