guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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