I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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