I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
