I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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