Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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