It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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