there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
