I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Someone signed my nipple.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
