if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize