its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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