Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
