I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
