Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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