I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
