I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
