Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
