i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
